Hello! Happy Wednesday. These last couple of days I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. Even just typing that word makes me angry, because anxiety is such a terrible thing. All of us have daily things that make us anxious. Some people are more anxious than others. We all deal with things differently.
I have previously taken a class and then just a couple months ago had the oppurtunity to facilitate this same class that is based off of the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew chapter 5. It truly is such an awesome tool that Christian can use to deal with what the class calls, “hurts, hangups, and habits.” And guess what, we all have them. It involved meeting in a small group that you develop trust with to share and deal with your issues. There’s a lot more to it, but it’s an 8 week class and it would take some time to explain it all. Something that I learned from this class and that I use often when I cannot sort my thoughts is called a Personal Inventory. It sort of helps you dive into the root of your problems. If anyone is interested in what this inventory is and how it works, please comment below and I can explain it to you.
But anyway… I decided to do an inventory this morning because I knew that was what I needed to do, and it brought me to the root of my anxiety. I feel anxious when I do not feel in control. The unknown is very scary to me. I think that is normal, but it becomes a problem when I do something called “playing God.” I decide that God is not the one who can handle my problems, I am. He is not the one in control, I am. That is where it becomes a big problem. It causes anxiety because, guess what, I am not in any way equipped to play God. He has the almighty power to handle every possible situation in our lives, but when we don’t give those situations to Him, we become worn out.
A little while ago, our Evangelist preached a sermon about Luke 10:41-42a and it immediately came to my mind when I started jotting down my thoughts.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be take from her.”
In this passage, Mary was sitting at the Lord’s feet, listening to His teaching while Martha was running around being a typical woman (lol). She was trying to cook, clean, and make everything perfect. In the mean time, Mary knew what she needed to do, and that was listen to what Jesus had to say.
This reminds me that, in the grand scheme of things, only one thing TRULY matters. What really matters is that we are sitting at Jesus’s feet and learning from Him. Something that I have learned from Jesus is that He told us to go and make disciples. That was and still is His Great Commission: “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20. Jesus wants us to make disciples as He did. However, how this may play out in each of our individual lives will be different, but as long as we remember that only one thing is necessary, and that is following in the steps of Jesus, then we are on the right path.
During this period of anxiety, I have been thinking a lot about my job as a nurse. I do believe that a lot of my stress comes from my work right now. As I said, my anxiety stems from feeling out of control and not knowing what is next. I am still very new to nursing, and home health care is a scary thing because you are alone in someone’s house and you are the only one there to help. You are supposed to educate your patients and help them to make healthier choices. I often do not feel qualified to do what I am doing.
Also, we work about one weekend a month. What a blessing compared to pretty much any other nursing job. But, for me, I absolutely dread that weekend because we are on call. If we get a call for a referral on Saturday, I have to go and see that patient on Sunday. Which is fine, because I get to schedule when I want to see them, but it’s more of the issue of not knowing until Saturday what my day is going to be like on Sunday, especially when I am trying to plan around Church meetings.
I spoke with my supervisor last night about possibly putting in my two week’s notice. I was like WOW, that was a rash decision. But it felt right. She offered that I could take a little break for maybe a month and then see if I am ready to come back. I could have cried. That was the perfect situation. I don’t know if I want to be done with this job or with nursing in general, but I do know that I need a break. I have overwhelmed myself in more ways than one and I know my priorities (God first, family second, and everything else after that).
Now, if you want to know something about me, you have to know this. I cannot sit still. Some may blame it on the coffee, but I would say it is a personality trait. It’s not that I’m jittery or anything, I just love to get things done. I cannot sit at home everyday (but being with Caroline everyday is a dream come true). Work is a great thing for me, it gets me out of the house and helps me to work my brain some. My parents have a family business called Southbound Enterprises; it is a real estate company that everyone in my immediate family works for. My dad is owner/manager and is a Real Estate Broker (he also works for an oil and gas company), my mom does ALL of the rent check processing, bill-paying, and so much more, my brother and his wife both are real estate agents and my brother is well on his way to also being a broker, and my sister is the advertiser; she runs all of the social media, website, and blog. I have often times thought about joining their team of awesomeness and I think that now would be a better time than ever to try it out. I am not having to give up nursing completely, but just take a little break and see what that does for my mental health. And in the mean time, I can help my family’s business out. I asked if they needed help with anything and my dad said, “I don’t even know where to start. We need a lot of help, and I know you like to get stuff done.” My dad and I are very similar in our work ethic and tactics. We both love to get things done, and quickly. I am hoping that this endeavor will be a fun, but challenging one.
I hate to take a break from nursing, but I think it is best right now. God always has a way of working things out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). If you could, please say a little prayer for me to trust God in this situation and where I am at now. May He increase my faith so that I can trust in Him instead of myself. And lastly, may He give me wisdom to make a right decision as far as my career, while keeping it all in perspective; only one thing is necessary.